


It starts with spiders

by Bouncy_cat



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek Gets Therapy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 18:52:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3739675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bouncy_cat/pseuds/Bouncy_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not fear. That would be ridiculous. He’s not scared.</p>
<p>He’s disgusted. </p>
<p>But just because he’s not afraid of them doesn’t mean he likes it when they try to crawl all over him. </p>
<p>Derek and spiders have an unspoken agreement. They don’t come near him and he doesn’t-</p>
<p>… he doesn’t come near them because he can’t even kill them. </p>
<p>It’s bad luck, his grandma told him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It starts with spiders

It’s not fear. That would be ridiculous. He’s not  _scared_.

He’s disgusted. 

But just because he’s not afraid of them doesn’t mean he likes it when they try to crawl all over him. 

Derek and spiders have an unspoken agreement. They don’t come near _him_  and he doesn’t-

… he doesn’t come near  _them_ because he can’t even kill them. 

It’s bad luck, his grandma told him.  

Of course by the time she told him this he was eleven and he’d already killed a couple dozen of the buggers. Because they’re  _disgusting_ , with their long, skinny little legs, unpredictable moves, and unnatural speed.  

Sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly morose he wonders if all that bad luck was cumulative and payed out all at once the day he fell in love with Kate Argent. 

But it’s not fair to blame it all on bad luck when ultimately his own stupidity and naivety got his family killed. 

Still, he doesn’t kill spiders anymore, he’s had all the bad luck he can cope with. 

The ‘not killing them’ makes it extra annoying when the spiders don’t keep their part of the agreement.

***

It just comes out of nowhere, like the little bastards always do, and he reacts instinctively, jumping up and away from the table, knocking over the chair he’d been sitting on just moments ago. 

Stiles raises his eyebrows at him from the other side of the table and Derek winces because he knows what’s coming next.

 …Or maybe he doesn’t? 

In stead of mocking him Stiles stands up and reaches for the cellar spider.

“Don’t kill it.” Derek blurts out.

But it’s unnecessary. Stiles just gently scoops it up, opens the window and drops it into the garden.

When he sits back down at the table he doesn’t even smirk, just motions for Derek to join him again and shoves the crime scene photo’s towards him. “What do you think? Wolf?”

Derek clears his throat and looks down at the gruesome pictures. They’re always harder to look at when it’s a child. “Actually, I think this might be a cougar attack.”

Stiles nods and quickly puts the pictures back into the folder they came from. “Alright, that’s what Scott thought too, I just wanted to double-check. Sorry you had to look at these.” He checks his phone and stands up. “I’ve got to get back to the station. You’re still coming to the barbecue Saturday, right?”

Derek nods, Scott has been sending him reminders for a week. 

“Alright, I’ll see you there. Thanks again.”

 He watches Stiles walk out the door and wonders once again how a hyperactive spazzy kid, turned into this competent adult.  

Stiles is a deputy now, working with Jordan, and taking on more and more responsibilities as the sheriff prepares for retirement. 

It makes Derek feel old. 

***

Saturday afternoon he drives to the sheriff’s house with two bottles of wine that he spent way too long picking out. 

Only the sheriff’s car and Stiles Jeep are parked in front and when he concentrates he only hears two heartbeats inside the house. 

He’s early.

For a moment he considers getting back in the car and driving back to the loft to wait for a more acceptable time to arrive, but he shakes it off. He’s welcome here at any time, he knows that. John told him often enough. 

Two seconds after he knocks Stiles opens the door. “Good, you’re here. Come help me set up in the garden.” He plucks the bottles of wine from Derek’s hands and yells “Dad, Derek’s brought the good stuff.”

“Are you actually going to let me drink any of it?” The sheriff yells back from the kitchen.

“Depends on how much steak you eat.” Stiles answers.

“It’s a god damned barbecue!”

The good-natured bantering helps Derek let go of some of the tension that inevitably creeps up on him at social gatherings like this. 

Outside in the back yard Stiles gives Derek a hand-brush and orders him to help clean up the lawn chairs, so Derek brushes them off and Stiles wipes them down with a wet cloth.

There are spiders, but Derek expects them, so it’s okay as long as he holds the brush by the tip and the spiders flee away from him. 

Of course then one of the little buggers has to go towards the brush in stead of away from it and when he shakes the brush to get if off the spider hangs beneath it on its silky thread, swinging closer and closer to Derek. 

He’s just about to drop the brush when Stiles reaches out, grabs the spider and throws it to the other side of the garden in one smooth move. Then he starts wiping again like nothing happened. 

Derek goes back to brushing off the chairs and ignores the strange warmth he feels in his chest. 

***

Two hours later everyone has arrived and the barbecue is in full swing. Derek eats a steak, a chicken leg and some salad before stopping himself. He doesn’t want anyone to go hungry because of his insatiable appetite.  

Stiles doesn’t seem to have that problem. Derek watches him go back for seconds and then for a third time. 

When he comes back from his third trip with a large steak and a heap of potato salad he drops down on the seat next to Derek. 

After one bite of his steak Stiles sighs contently. “Ah, that hit the spot.” He pats his stomach then shoves his plate into Derek’s hands. “I’m full, you eat it.” 

Derek feels the blood rise to his face. He’s embarrassed, because it’s pretty obvious Stiles made that last trip to the barbecue for the sole purpose of getting  _him_  more food. 

At the same time he feels strangely pleased. 

“Thanks” he mutters finally, with a mouthful of steak. 

Stiles just pats his shoulder and launches into a story about the couple who called the police because their cat attacked them. 

***

The next day, when Derek is watching an extremely nerdy sitcom about scientist roommates, he finds himself thinking that Stiles would probably like it, too. 

Later that week when he opens his book where he left off, he wonders if Stiles ever read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or if he doesn’t have the patience for it. 

And when he pours himself a cup of tea he thinks Stiles might be amused by the fact that Derek easily drinks a whole pot of tea in an hour.

…And so it goes on.

For some reason Stiles keeps popping up in his mind and he feels like he’s going crazy, because slowly it goes from simple thoughts like, ‘I wonder what Stiles would think of this?’ to something more like daydreaming, like fantasies.

He imagines Stiles lying on the couch, sock-clad feet in Derek’s lap while they watch movies and eat popcorn.

He imagines doing the dishes and Stiles standing next to him, gesturing wildly with the dishtowel as he talks about the arrest he and Jordan made that day.

He imagines cooking for Stiles and arguing about the toppings for their home-made pizza.

And he imagines lying in bed with him, Stiles´ arm wrapped around him, and falling asleep knowing he’s not alone.

It’s not even sexual, well most of it isn’t, and that only makes it worse, because sexual urges are so much easier to take care of. This weird kind of domestic fantasy however…

He ignores it for a few weeks, forcing himself not to stare at Stiles when they meet up, but more and more he finds himself thinking… _what if?_

Stiles is bisexual. And it may be arrogant but Derek knows he looks good, Stiles could be attracted to him… They’re already friends, why can’t they be more?

It takes him a while to work up the courage though, and then it takes a while longer for the right moment to come around.

***

The pack meeting is being held at Derek’s house this time and it’s nice, almost fun. Pack meetings these days are hardly ever about anything serious.

When it grows late, one by one the pack members leave, but Stiles stays until they’re the only ones left. 

Derek goes to get them another beer and when he walks back into the living room Stiles pats the couch next to him. “Come sit.”

So he hands Stiles his beer and sits down next to him, maybe a little closer than strictly necessary. 

“Derek…” Stiles starts.

And his heart does a little jump, because maybe this is it, maybe he won’t ever have to ask, because Stiles is going to make the first move. 

“I think you should start seeing someone.” Stiles finishes.

“What-”

“Professionally, I mean. Counselling.”

And the warm feeling that he gets whenever Stiles is around suddenly turns to ice in his veins. Because  _this_  is why Stiles kept being nice to him? Because he thought Derek was going to snap or something? Well fuck that, fuck him-

“-Derek!”

For a second he wonders when Stiles went from sitting next to him to kneeling on the floor in front of him, and then he’s pushing him away. He has to get out of there, can’t breathe with Stiles this close to him. The humiliation is suffocating him. 

He storms toward the door but Stiles scrambles up and runs after him. When they get to the door Stiles grabs his arm. “Come on, Derek. Don’t be like this, you-”

“Get out.” It’s  _his_  house, why should he be the one to leave?

“Derek, please just-”

“Get out!” Derek jerks the door open with one hand, and shoves Stiles out with the other, slamming the door closed and locking it. 

He can still hear Stiles though, muttering to himself ‘ _fuck fuck fuck_ ’.  

It’s silent for a moment and then…”Derek, I know you can hear me.”

Derek has to fight the urge to cover his ears with his hands and hum like a child so he doesn’t have to listen to Stiles explain how he means well and he just wants the best for Derek, but that seems a little too much like proving Stiles right, so he listens. 

“I just- Fuck why is this so hard to explain without sounding- ugh.” Stiles falls silent and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Look,  _I_ went to counselling okay? When I was at college…I saw a therapist. After everything that happened with the Nogitsune, but the stuff before that too, I had nightmares, and there was always this little voice in my head telling me I didn’t deserve stuff, because people  _died_  because of me. Therapy  _helped_ , Derek. I’m  _allowed_  to be happy, and I deserve to take steps to make myself happy.”

Derek knows what Stiles is getting at, but it’s not the same. It’s just  _not_. Stiles was a  _victim_. 

“You deserve to be happy too, Derek. You deserve to be in a good place mentally, without that little voice in your head sabotaging every attempt you make to build a life for yourself, and when- When you start a relationship with someone, that person deserves that too. Because in a relationship there are always going to be arguments and miscommunications, and that little voice in your head is going to twist things around, and make you think things that aren’t true. And at some point you’ll do something  _idiotic_ , like leave and not come back, because you’ve convinced yourself that people are better of without you, and I don’t want that to happen, okay?”

Derek doesn’t answer, wouldn’t know how. 

“Just think about it.” Stiles sighs and then Derek hears him walk away. 

Stiles is wrong. Derek doesn’t need counselling. The guilt he feels isn’t irrational, it’s a logical consequence of his own actions.  And he  _has_  taken steps to build himself a life.  He has a house, a pack, friends…he’s doing fine. 

***

He ignores Stiles’ phone calls the next couple of days, and he almost skips a pack meeting too, but after Stiles’ speech he’s not sure he trusts the little voice in his head that’s telling him to just make up some excuse. So he goes.

Stiles looks miserable and Derek suddenly feels bad about the silent treatment he’s been giving him. Just because Stiles is wrong doesn’t mean he should be punished for trying to be helpful. 

Throughout the meeting whenever their eyes meet Stiles quickly looks away, and it’s driving Derek crazy, he wants things back the way they were. or, well, he wants a lot more than that, but right now he’d happily settle for some easy banter.

Up until now he didn’t realize how much easier Stiles made these meetings. Pack is supposed to feel like family, and it does somewhat, but Derek has always felt like a bit of an outsider. More like the trouble-making, barely accepted step-brother than an actual brother.

Stiles made it better, made him feel more included.

Maybe…he can’t believe he’s considering it…but maybe he should give it a shot. It won’t change his mind about the the big stuff, but it would reassure Stiles, and maybe it could help him get more comfortable in social settings like this. It’s not like he doesn’t have the money to pay for a therapist.

He spends most of the pack meeting considering the pros and cons and by the end of it he makes eye-contact with Stiles and nods. 

Stiles eyes go big and round and he mouths ’really?’

Derek rolls his eyes.

The hug Stiles gives him before he leaves  _almost_  takes away the uneasiness Derek feels about going to a therapist. 

***

Stiles doesn’t push him, but he does send him a list op licensed therapists in and around Beacon Hills. After a couple of very thorough, expensive, and perhaps slightly illegal background checks, Derek picks one and makes an appointment. 

Two appointments in, Derek thinks he can do this. 

The third appointment his therapist tells him that if he wants to get anything out of their sessions he’s going to have to start talking about the big stuff. 

Derek cancels his next appointment. 

The little voice in his head tells him he doesn’t need to go, he doesn’t owe Stiles anything. But he feels weird the entire day and part of him wonders what it means that he can’t even talk about his feelings to someone whose job is to listen to them. When he tries to unravel the ball of anxiety in his gut there’s shame, guilt, fear… Maybe he  _should_  talk about it. Someone should know the full extent of the damage he did. Maybe talking about it, reliving it all, can be some sort of penance. 

He calls his therapist to reschedule.

Like most things in Derek’s life, the appointment doesn’t go as expected. He’s not sure what he thought would happen, but it wasn’t for his therapist to listen to it all with a completely neutral face. All questions he asks are designed to keep Derek talking but the guy doesn’t give him any clue to what he’s thinking. It pisses Derek off.

Still, he feels somehow lighter after the appointment, until the guilt kicks in because any weight he carries, he deserves.

I takes ten appointments for Derek to realize he does actually need therapy. Five more for him to stop doing it for Stiles and start going there for himself. He increases his sessions to twice a week.

Sometimes he gets ‘homework’. Usually it’s stuff like writing down how he feels throughout the day, or what he dreams about. One time, it’s to go to Laura’s grave and tell her about him and Kate.

He talks to her for half an hour, sobs his apologies, and then goes into the preserve to take his rage out on the remains of the house that kept his family captive as they burned.  

When he finally collapses, hands bloody and healing, Scott is standing there keeping watch. Derek doesn’t want to cry in front of him, but he can’t seem to  _stop_  and when Scott hugs him, squeezes him so tight that he feels his bones creak, he thinks that maybe that distance, that ‘stepbrother’ feeling, was all him, never Scott. 

Months go by, and Derek doesn’t try to move things beyond friendship with Stiles. Mentally he’s not in the right place,  _yet_. And he’s a little bit proud that he can recognize that now.

***

Another month later it’s pack movie night and they’re watching guardians of the galaxy. Everyone’s seen it before but Derek hasn’t. 

He expects to find it ridiculous, because come on…a talking raccoon and a giant tree man?

But the characters grow on him. And it’s  _funny_. [Groot’s grin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Resi_2qQ0) after he kills a dozen enemies has him laughing so hard he almost slides off the couch. It’s not until the movie is over that he realizes he hasn’t laughed like that in years. 

Stiles keeps looking at him with a smile so big it looks like it hurts and Derek goes home feeling happy. 

***

Two weeks later they celebrate Derek’s birthday. Scott insisted and this time Derek didn’t refuse. 

It’s not a surprise party, because that doesn’t really work with wolves, but he gets a surprise anyway when Cora shows up unexpectedly. It’s really good to see her again. They’ve been in touch through emails and phonecalls but it’s just not the same as being able to hug her. Which he does, at least four times. 

Derek comes back from the kitchen with a tray of drinks and snacks. He almost drops it when he sees how close Cora and Stiles are sitting. They’re talking softly, heads almost touching, and they fall silent when he enters the room. 

Stiles sees him looking at them and he immediately sits up straighter, leaning away from Cora. That, more than anything, makes Derek’s heart suddenly ache in his chest. 

Stiles and  _Cora?_

Cora, as well as all the other wolves, senses the shift in his mood. She jumps up and grabs his arm. “I want some ‘one on one’ time with my brother, “she says, “we’re going for a little walk.”

Derek protests. “It’s  _my_ party, I can’t just leave.”

“Sure you can, they can find your food supplies just fine on their own. We won’t be gone for long.” 

Scott waves at them to show it’s fine and Derek reluctantly follows his sister out the door. Cora links her arms with his and they walk in silence for a couple of minutes. 

Derek’s mind is a jumble of thoughts. Is Cora attracted to Stiles? Is it mutual?

He can feel himself getting upset, but there are a couple of things he learned from his therapy sessions… 

One, he tends to jump to conclusions. Two, he has the very unproductive habit of not telling people how he feels and what he wants from them, getting upset when they can’t read his mind, and then getting angry when they don’t understand why he’s upset. 

He thinks this might be headed in that direction, so this time he’s going to try a different approach. It’s not easy, his gut reaction is still not to say anything, to just wait and see how things play out…but by now, he’s learned that his gut reactions aren’t always healthy. Cora is his sister, if there’s anyone he can trust, it’s her. 

“I’m in love with Stiles,” he tells her. 

“I know,” Cora squeezes his arm and smiles at him softly, “and I think it’s great that you guys are waiting.”

“We-  _we’re_  waiting?”

“Stiles told me you’ve been working through everything that’s happened. I’m really proud of you, you know? You already seem so much…lighter.”

“And Stiles told you that - _we-_  are waiting for the right time?”

Cora nods and then raises her eyebrows at him as his heart speeds up.

Derek is helpless to control the smile that’s taking over his face. “Did Stiles happen to tell you how much longer we’re waiting?”

Cora grins. “I think by now he’s just waiting for you to ask, bro.”

***

Fifteen minutes later, they’re back at the house and Derek sits down on the couch next to Stiles.

“I’m going to ask you out soon.” Derek tells him. 

Stiles beams at him.  “You going to woo me, sourwolf?”

“If you want me to.”

“You do realize I’m going to have very high expectations now, right?”

***

Two weeks later Derek takes Stiles indoor skydiving. They eat curly fries afterwards, and when Derek kisses him he can still taste the salt on Stiles lips.

 

*** EPILOGUE *** 

 

“Stiles?” Derek calls from the bathroom. 

“Yeah?” 

“There’s a humongous spider in the bathroom.” 

Stiles groans, he just sat down and right now he’s feeling every year of his poor, old, non-werewolf body. “Talia, honey?” 

“What?” his daughter yells back at him from upstairs.

“Can you please save your dad from the evil bathroom spider?”

He can practically hear her rolling her eyes, but she leaps down the stairs anyway. Half a minute later she comes strolling into the living room hands cupped around what Stiles assumes is the spider. 

“Do you want to see?” She asks him. “It’s big.” 

“No thank you.” 

She sticks her tongue out to him and whispers to her hands. “You’re so pretty aren’t you?  Yes you are.”

“I worry for you.” Stiles tells her. 

“You should worry for the grown-ass werewolf who’s scared of spiders.”

“I’m not scared of them.” Derek yells from the bathroom. “They’re disgusting!”

 

* * *

 

 

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